Past memories and attachment styles...

Finally I found a playlist that allows me to post all my favorite songs of my past on this blog. These are obviously only a few of those favorites. I like to listen to them now and then as they remind me of my roots and my teenage times. Since my live has been so far removed from everything that I have grown up with it is sometimes a nice thing to remind myself of this past. My father will love Janis Joplin and the Stones. These were the all time favorites in our household. I am actually a very quiet person and get easily overloaded with sensual triggers such as music or other noises. This morning I actually thought that I am often very quiet and hardly ever speak during the day. Than I thought that the baby is about to take in sensory triggers, such as my voice or other sounds from the outside. If I remain so quiet she won’t be stimulated at all and might even wonder if she is alone in this world. This brought me to the new commitment to at least tell the baby once a day what I am up to or to read something out loud. This is my life as a woman who loves to be alone and who is easily content with self-involved activities.

Back to past memories: I can imagine that once our baby is here, we both will actually have enough reminders of our pasts. A little person presumably retriggers many personal memories. They might be even non-verbal memories of our own past. Even though it is clear that the first two years of our lives pass and leave no actual memories, as we are in the blissful state of childhood amnesia. But another truth is that we have merely emotional associations and memories from this time, but we are unable to put words to those memories. The first year is apparently one of the most crucial stepping-stones of our lives. Here we form our personal attachment style that will follow us all the way into all of our wonderfully confusing and difficult relationships with other human beings. Once we know our attachment styles we are a few steps ahead in understanding why our relationships are the way they are.

A securely attached person has usually no fear of being left or betrayed. He/she is trusting and feels safe in this world. It is easy for these people to be emotionally close to others and they tend to have a high regard for themselves and their loved ones. This category truly fits Rick. He has this ability to cut through all these emotional confusions and can be present with me as his loved one even in the face of high emotional distress. What a gift for me to have such a person in my life and as the father of our baby.

A person who is anxious-preoccupied attached always seeks intense intimacy with others, but struggles with getting actually truly close to others. They actually feel very good with being alone, but seek at the same time intense intimacy and responsiveness of their partners. All this leads to a high dependency on their partners and to difficulties in trusting their partners. People with this attachment style are unable to see their own worth as partners and show high emotional expressiveness and worry. Well, if you have read some of my blog entries you will easily recognize me in this description.

If you are interested in the other two forms of attachment styles please read this link. It describes attachment styles very simply.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Anxious-preoccupied_attachment

Well, back to the first year of live. This seems to be such an important time and truly sets the stage for our ability to love and connect. What could be more important?